Marriage Is Designed Mainly For Men!

Before you bite my head off, hear me out, okay....LOL!.... Please understand that this post is not a feminist piece nor is written as an attack on the institution of marriage. I am married  to a wonderful man and lovin' it! 
I would like to share my thought processes on why I think that men benefit disproportionately from marriage compared with women. Although societal views may differ, both biblical and research evidence supports this assertion.

First of all, the passage in Genesis 2 (Verse 18-25) , which records the creation of man suggests that God foresaw that men would need help and would not handle loneliness well......*hehehehe*.... 
Verse 18 says " God saw that it is not good that man should be alone: I will make him a helper  suitable for him ".
Interestingly, recent research findings support this biblical perspective.
 An article in the 2/23-3/2/15 Time Magazine edition titled "Do married people really live longer?" states that the so-called "marriage effect" doesn't appear to benefit men and women equally..

The Terman Life-Cycle Study- an ongoing research project that began following more than 1,500 people in 1921 - found that whereas steadily married men  were more likely to live substantially longer than divorced  or remarried man, divorced women lived almost as long as their married peers.

"Women who thrived in a good marriage stayed especially healthy", explains Howard S. Friedman, a professor of  psychology at the University of California, Riverside, and author of the Longevity Project, which continues to build on the Terman research. It further states that "women who stayed single, got and stayed divorced or were widowed often lived quite long without the burdens of husband trouble. They have good friends instead". This is consistent with other research that shows that strong social connections and friendship are especially important factors in healthy aging.

 A few months ago I wrote a post about "what men and women gain from the marriage institution". Although not exhaustive, the list of benefits for men is slightly longer than that of women. 

My conclusion: 
Men benefit from marriage more than women do, although there are advantages for both sexes. For me, the main benefits that I have  experienced are: Emotional support and sense of commitment.
So men, Appreciate your wives. In the words of proverbs, she "adds years to your life" -  literally.
For the guys out there, that are still looking for "the one", make sure she is a friend. :)

Reach Out And Touch!

We are all in pursuit of something. We all get caught up in our own struggles and every day routines. Unfortunately, we can become so self-absorbed that we get disconnected from people around us.

In today's world where self- dependence and competition have become our mantra, and where digital and electronic distractions abound and compete for our attention, we need to be reminded more often about the importance of community, family and friendship: of being supportive of each other, helping one another and of being present in the moment when with others.

 

An African proverb says:"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together".

*Years ago, anthropologist Margaret Mead was asked by a student what she considered to be the first sign of civilization in a culture. The student expected Mead to talk about fishhooks or clay pots or grinding stones. But no. Mead said that the first sign of civilization in an ancient culture was a femur (thigh bone) that had been broken and then healed.

Mead explained that in the animal kingdom, if you break your leg, you die. You cannot run from anger, get to the river for a drink or hunt for food. You are meat for prowling beasts. No animal survives a broken leg long enough for the bone to heal.

A broken femur that has healed is evidence that someone has taken the time to stay with the one who 
fell, has bound up the wound, has carried the person to safety and has tended the person through recovery. Helping someone else through difficulty is where 
civilization starts, Mead said.

..So, then the question that come to mind is: Is civilization more evident in today's world?

♫Reach out and touch somebody's hand, make this world a better place ♪....- Diana Ross

*Culled from a devotional.

From the Inside Out!

Woke up one morning with bumps and rash on my arms  and trunk. I ran through a mental list of possible causes and ruled out the new medication that I started a few days prior. 
I ruled out dietary causes, jewelry, clothes, but thought it could possibly be a reaction to a new hair product. 
Nothing changed for a few days, though oral anti-histamine and steroidal anti-itch cream gave some relief. 

As a pharmacist, I knew enough to institute empirical treatment with topical steroids and oral antihistamines.  
This did help, but I could not stop puzzling over what the cause might be. 
While researching this topic, I stumbled upon an online article in Woman's Day that listed rash as one of the many manifestations of stress. 
Here's the excerpt from the article;

 It sounds strange, but your skin can be a pretty good barometer of your stress level. "Stress can cause a rash, usually raised red spots or hives on the stomach, back, arms and face," notes Dr. Lombardo. "While we don't know why it occurs, some experts believe that it has to do with the adverse effects of stress on the immune system—histamine is released, causing these itchy bumps."

That was a wake-up call.  I realized the tendency to underrate or downplay the importance of emotional health in many cultures (including mine) has negative outcomes. 

Research strongly backs the notion that many health conditions are either caused or exacerbated by stress and emotional/psychological disorders. Often, tension, stress and other emotional disorders that go unrecognized or unacknowledged manifest as insomnia, back pain, tension/stress headache, stomach or intestinal and even sexual problems.  

Women, especially, need to pay attention to physical symptoms that may herald unrecognized emotional distress - feelings of listlessness, irritability, heaviness, stress,  angry outbursts etc. 

It is important to create some mental “space” and to develop healthy coping outlets that allow processing of strong emotion and to have healthy outlets for those emotions and frustrations. 

Helpful coping mechanisms include: Sound Sleep, Meditation, Prayer, Walking, Leisure reading, to name a few.
Stay well...Be well.xoxoxo

Summer Musing....

Hello Beautiful People,
Summer is upon us officially.....schools are out, flowers are blooming, the grass is growing, and its family/vacation time! It's difficult to believe that it is the middle of the year already!

Along with the literal change in the seasons, we are in a season of change in many other arenas, globally and locally, especially within the United States. 
We are witnessing unprecedented changes in many areas, including the legalization of same-sex marriage in many countries, increasing attention to gender/race-identity questions, global conflict in many areas, as exemplified by the rise of the Islamic State. 
This year alone has seen the Affordable Healthcare Act ratified. We have seen on camera a law enforcement officer charged with protecting the lives of the citizenry, abuse his power and commit murder. We have seen tragedies and natural disasters resulting in an unimaginable toll in human suffering ( famine in some parts of Africa, earthquake in Nepal), race-based hate-crimes in South Carolina and North Carolina, and economic catastrophes in Greece. 

It is difficult if not impossible to foresee how all these changes will pan out, not to mention planning for the impact it will have on the economy, family unit, workplace, faith, and society.

One can surmise that these events will ultimately and definitely require a shift in our thinking and perspectives about how things should work, about relationships, about child rearing, money, life, etc. The question remains:
 How does one remain a good citizen  while maintaining calmness in the face of all these tsunami of change?

My personal resolve is to do the following:

• Pursuing lasting legacies instead of distractions/irrelevancies.
• Adding value rather than engaging in empty competition or self aggrandizement.
• Building others rather than destroying.
• Working and striving for peace.

As the Chinese proverb says - "May we live in interesting times".......

Science Of Heartbreak

Isn't it just wonderful that science does have an explanation for virtually everything? The other day I wrote a post about "The Science of love" and I wondered if there would be an explanation about the events that occurs when we "fall out of love" (That's if there's anything like that). 

So I did a little research, couldn't find science behind "falling out of love" yet (maybe one of you geniuses out there can point me in the right direction) , but did find the scientific explanation for heartbreak, though.

 Apparently, heartbreak is medically referred to as "Takotsubo cardiomyopathy", also known as  'broken heart syndrome' because it often occurs due to an emotional or physical shock. 

From The Science Blog: According to studies on heartbreak and how it affects people, most of whom women, (It almost always happens to women and patients are typically in a critical state during the first 48 hours), a connection can be found between emotional pain and a literal form of heartbreak- heart attack.  Depression is documented to affect its host physically and so is the case with heartbreak. 
"Our hypothesis is that massive amounts of these stress hormones (such as metanephrine and normetanephrine are released in excess with addition to proteins such as neuropeptide Y, brain natriuretic peptide, and serotonin) can go right to the heart and produce a stunning of the heart muscle that causes this temporary dysfunction resembling a heart attack," says cardiologist Ilan Wittstein, M.D., an assistant professor at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine and its Heart Institute. "It doesn't kill the heart muscle like a typical heart attack, but it renders it helpless."

 So folks, if you are going through a heartbreak whether from a broken relationship, loss of a loved one, or disappointment of any sort,  I sincerely empathize. *hugs and kisses*
 

Old Clover Is Dead!

                        Our pet rabbit, Clover, died today.*sobbing*
He had one of his hind legs broken by a moving vehicle-He had a bad habit of hiding under parked cars.
I didn't realize such a "small" injury could lead to death.....I'm guessing he died so quickly because of his age and size..
He didn't make it to the vet.....Injury happened around 8:30am and he was dead before 11am...*sad* ....Just when we were about to head to the clinic. I tried getting him to a vet immediately, but couldn't find any animal clinic in my vicinity that looked after rabbits, except one....and the one I found had a long waiting list...
Clover was such a good pet. He is the only pet I have felt attached to so far in my adult life...
This photo of him is the one I took and posted on our neighborhood page when he went missing a few weeks ago. He was later found in our next door neighbor's yard, munching on their flowers.
                        Adieu, Clover. You will be missed. 

Be Angry...

Hi y'all....Doing okay, I hope...?...It's been a "roller-coaster" these last few weeks. *sigh*
..Oftentimes when we get too busy, we get into the vicious cycle of being overwhelmed and stressed, being emotional/angry/upset at every little thing.....and in the end someone might get "hurt".
I have something to share about anger...:)....This is for couples, but I think anyone can get a thing or two from this.

Once upon a time....
 A young thirsty lion and an equally thirsty cougar arrived at their usual watering hole at the same time. Immediately, they began arguing about who should drink first. Their argument quickly escalated into rage, and the two animals started clawing at each other. However, the fight was interrupted when the 2 animals caught sight of vultures circling overhead, waiting for the loser of the fight to fall. The thought of being eaten was  enough for the lion and the cougar to end their fight.

 When anger flares, respect is key to expressing anger. Respect will lead to a discussion of the anger rather than one spouse swallowing their anger in silence leading to bitterness and resentment. Respect leads the spouses treating each other as helpers and advocates not as adversaries. And when that happens, the vultures retreat and no one get " eaten".-Nancy Kennedy

Culled from NIV Couples' Devotional Bible.

5 Nuggets For the 5th Month!

Happy New Month, people!

We made it through the first quarter...yay!

Below is the video of Bishop T.D Jakes's 5 tips for happiness on the Steve Harvey show. I find the tips very practicable and helpful, especially "challenging your own story" and "enjoying the journey", because these are areas I am still working on.

I hope you all find these tips applicable in your life journey as well.

1. Own your happiness.

2. Challenge your own story.Change the way you talk to yourself.

3. Enjoy the journey, the whole process in life.

4. Make relationships count, with God, with yourself, with family with friends.

5. Balance work with play.

Faith Vs Common sense.

Hi people!....Hope the sun is shinning and the grass is looking greener on your side of the "garden"...Meaning: Hope life is treating you well...:)

I recently read an article on slatemagazine.com about how religion can influence risk taking in small or even in significant ways. For example, a study showed that the mere mention of the Divine can increase willingness to take risks (such as looking at potentially harmful colors just to prove that if God 's name is involved, then any endeavor is attainable, regardless of the implications).
This can have very real and potentially life-changing ramifications, such as seeking out a potential life-mate, or venturing into a new career path. 

In real time, however, it often seems that what faith and common sense dictate can contradict each other, and it can be difficult to determine which path to take.

Case in point: Our family recently attended a church meeting,  which was terminated early due to adverse weather conditions resulting in dangerous driving conditions. As we left the service, my husband and I remarked to each other about how differently this would have been handled back in our native, highly religious Nigeria: citing faith, the meeting would likely have continued regardless of convenience to the worshippers, perhaps with resultant loss of life or exposure to the elements leading to avoidable illnesses. We concluded that this was probably why life expectancy is higher in this part of the world -  where prudence and common sense are employed in the out-working of one's faith and not excluded from it.

So, my question to you is: Have you found yourself in situations lately where faith and reason seem to collide? How have you worked out what to do in those situations?

Happy Easter!!

....Wishing you all a renewal of Hope....
Let all dead dreams receive life..
Let there be growth, birthing and re-birth....