Marriage Is Designed Mainly For Men!

Before you bite my head off, hear me out, okay....LOL!.... Please understand that this post is not a feminist piece nor is written as an attack on the institution of marriage. I am married  to a wonderful man and lovin' it! 
I would like to share my thought processes on why I think that men benefit disproportionately from marriage compared with women. Although societal views may differ, both biblical and research evidence supports this assertion.

First of all, the passage in Genesis 2 (Verse 18-25) , which records the creation of man suggests that God foresaw that men would need help and would not handle loneliness well......*hehehehe*.... 
Verse 18 says " God saw that it is not good that man should be alone: I will make him a helper  suitable for him ".
Interestingly, recent research findings support this biblical perspective.
 An article in the 2/23-3/2/15 Time Magazine edition titled "Do married people really live longer?" states that the so-called "marriage effect" doesn't appear to benefit men and women equally..

The Terman Life-Cycle Study- an ongoing research project that began following more than 1,500 people in 1921 - found that whereas steadily married men  were more likely to live substantially longer than divorced  or remarried man, divorced women lived almost as long as their married peers.

"Women who thrived in a good marriage stayed especially healthy", explains Howard S. Friedman, a professor of  psychology at the University of California, Riverside, and author of the Longevity Project, which continues to build on the Terman research. It further states that "women who stayed single, got and stayed divorced or were widowed often lived quite long without the burdens of husband trouble. They have good friends instead". This is consistent with other research that shows that strong social connections and friendship are especially important factors in healthy aging.

 A few months ago I wrote a post about "what men and women gain from the marriage institution". Although not exhaustive, the list of benefits for men is slightly longer than that of women. 

My conclusion: 
Men benefit from marriage more than women do, although there are advantages for both sexes. For me, the main benefits that I have  experienced are: Emotional support and sense of commitment.
So men, Appreciate your wives. In the words of proverbs, she "adds years to your life" -  literally.
For the guys out there, that are still looking for "the one", make sure she is a friend. :)

What Do You Want Out Of A Relationship?

This is sort of  a sequel to the post on marriage I wrote here about a week or so ago. The general vibe I get from different articles on relationship is this: The expectations of the male specie differs from that of the female specie.
There tend to be resentment,anger, frustration and sense of hopelessness when couples don’t understand each others wants and needs in a relationship.
Generally, men want :

• To be “ in charge”
• To be needed and at the same time want the woman to be self-sufficient/confident.
• A manipulation-free relationship.

Whereas,what women(regardless of age) want can be summed up to:

• Affection
• Appreciation
• Affirmation

I think men do want these things as well in a relationship but in different measure based on the age and stage in life.

Anyway,based on a random opinion poll I conducted among friends, some of the guys said they think because women are materialistic, women are in most relationships for monetary gain.I read a quote somewhere that says"When the wife is mute, she is cute and when the husband has money he’s honey”….Ouch!…Do you agree?

Another guy actually said he thinks giving a girl “too much” affection and appreciation is being a sissy.….I wonder what too much affection means…:(

The ladies I asked,however, think men are only after sex and a good meal….Hmmmmmm.

Regular COMMUNICATION is key. A relationship will sail or sink based on how open the people involved can communicate.

Marriage: Ball and Chain?….

My husband and I had a discussion the other day about “What people want out of a marriage relationship”(That is a post for another day) and that was when the question “ Who benefits the more from a marriage relationship-the man or the woman”? arose….

While popular culture always points out that the man “loses" his independence  and financial stability (which is why they shy away from marriage), I am of the opinion that it is man that benefits more  in a marriage relationship, because of the following reasons: 

1. Marriage tends to give the man a sense of commitment and social responsibility, not only to his nuclear family but also to people around him, which leads to both financial/career success and achievements.

2.Typically, it is the woman that gives up or defers her career aspirations.The society subtly believes 

that the woman bears the most responsibility when it comes to raising a family.

3. In marriage, women bear a disproportionate share of the burden of pregnancies, child- bearing and childcare particularly in the early stages of marriage. They are also expected to continue to look cute and always sexy.

4. The woman is the one to give up her maiden name to take up the husband’s last name.

5. Studies have shown that ‘happily” married men tend to have longer life span than single men.

6. Men gain a readily available sex partner, …..or so one might assume….:)

However, women do benefit from marriage in the following ways: (this is not an exhaustive list) 

1. Studies have shown that women are more financially secure in marriage.

2. In a “happy” marriage relationship offers a woman more emotional support, which may insulate her from depression and anxiety which are twice as common in females as in males.

3. A married woman does not have to deal with the hassles of dating and the pressure from the society of being labelled single.

4. Research shows that married women have both higher frequency and  better quality sex lives.. 

However, I don’t think marriage should be viewed as a “business” partnership or a job contract. I think it is the mind-set of the 2 people in the marriage that determines the outcome of a marriage relationship…..

So,Why Do Women Cheat?...

Sure,you all are familiar with the very popular  trending topic “Why men cheat?” and the different opinions like “Men are monogamous in nature and would cheat even though they are in a happy relationship ” ,“Men cheat because they are bored”, and so on and so forth..However, I wonder why the question asking “Why women cheat “ is not so popular.

I have read some articles about it and the reasons why women cheat are very similar to why men cheat,except that women are not polygamous in nature…Or are they?

In my opinion, I think women cheat because they seek:

1. Emotional Connection   2. Financial Support   3. Revenge (On a cheating hubby)         4. Adventure

Rutgers University biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, author ofWhy Him? Why Her?andWhy We Love, says men are more likely to cite sexual motivations for infidelity and are less likely to fall in love with an extramarital partner. Women, she says, tend to have an emotional connection with their lover and are more likely to have an affair because of loneliness.

"Women tend to be more unhappy with the relationship they are in," Fisher says, "while men can be a lot happier in their primary relationship and also cheat.  Women are more interested in supplementing their marriage or jumping ship than men are -- for men, it is a secondary strategy as opposed to an alternate.”

Dr Mike Murdock summed it all nicely in the photo below and it applies to both men and women…..

Married Couples, Get In Here, Quick!

..The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner-Davis at TEDxCU


Sex is a sensitive and recurring issue in marriage, it comes right after money, even before in some cases.
 I am no marriage counselor, but my 2-cents on this matter is: Regular and meaningful COMMUNICATION is key to a healthy relationship. Couples should be able to talk and discuss with each other about everything, particularly sex. Bedroom matters should be between just the couple and not with a third party, unless in situations where counseling is needed.


Enjoy!