Marriage Is Designed Mainly For Men!

Before you bite my head off, hear me out, okay....LOL!.... Please understand that this post is not a feminist piece nor is written as an attack on the institution of marriage. I am married  to a wonderful man and lovin' it! 
I would like to share my thought processes on why I think that men benefit disproportionately from marriage compared with women. Although societal views may differ, both biblical and research evidence supports this assertion.

First of all, the passage in Genesis 2 (Verse 18-25) , which records the creation of man suggests that God foresaw that men would need help and would not handle loneliness well......*hehehehe*.... 
Verse 18 says " God saw that it is not good that man should be alone: I will make him a helper  suitable for him ".
Interestingly, recent research findings support this biblical perspective.
 An article in the 2/23-3/2/15 Time Magazine edition titled "Do married people really live longer?" states that the so-called "marriage effect" doesn't appear to benefit men and women equally..

The Terman Life-Cycle Study- an ongoing research project that began following more than 1,500 people in 1921 - found that whereas steadily married men  were more likely to live substantially longer than divorced  or remarried man, divorced women lived almost as long as their married peers.

"Women who thrived in a good marriage stayed especially healthy", explains Howard S. Friedman, a professor of  psychology at the University of California, Riverside, and author of the Longevity Project, which continues to build on the Terman research. It further states that "women who stayed single, got and stayed divorced or were widowed often lived quite long without the burdens of husband trouble. They have good friends instead". This is consistent with other research that shows that strong social connections and friendship are especially important factors in healthy aging.

 A few months ago I wrote a post about "what men and women gain from the marriage institution". Although not exhaustive, the list of benefits for men is slightly longer than that of women. 

My conclusion: 
Men benefit from marriage more than women do, although there are advantages for both sexes. For me, the main benefits that I have  experienced are: Emotional support and sense of commitment.
So men, Appreciate your wives. In the words of proverbs, she "adds years to your life" -  literally.
For the guys out there, that are still looking for "the one", make sure she is a friend. :)

Reach Out And Touch!

We are all in pursuit of something. We all get caught up in our own struggles and every day routines. Unfortunately, we can become so self-absorbed that we get disconnected from people around us.

In today's world where self- dependence and competition have become our mantra, and where digital and electronic distractions abound and compete for our attention, we need to be reminded more often about the importance of community, family and friendship: of being supportive of each other, helping one another and of being present in the moment when with others.

 

An African proverb says:"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together".

*Years ago, anthropologist Margaret Mead was asked by a student what she considered to be the first sign of civilization in a culture. The student expected Mead to talk about fishhooks or clay pots or grinding stones. But no. Mead said that the first sign of civilization in an ancient culture was a femur (thigh bone) that had been broken and then healed.

Mead explained that in the animal kingdom, if you break your leg, you die. You cannot run from anger, get to the river for a drink or hunt for food. You are meat for prowling beasts. No animal survives a broken leg long enough for the bone to heal.

A broken femur that has healed is evidence that someone has taken the time to stay with the one who 
fell, has bound up the wound, has carried the person to safety and has tended the person through recovery. Helping someone else through difficulty is where 
civilization starts, Mead said.

..So, then the question that come to mind is: Is civilization more evident in today's world?

♫Reach out and touch somebody's hand, make this world a better place ♪....- Diana Ross

*Culled from a devotional.

Science Of Heartbreak

Isn't it just wonderful that science does have an explanation for virtually everything? The other day I wrote a post about "The Science of love" and I wondered if there would be an explanation about the events that occurs when we "fall out of love" (That's if there's anything like that). 

So I did a little research, couldn't find science behind "falling out of love" yet (maybe one of you geniuses out there can point me in the right direction) , but did find the scientific explanation for heartbreak, though.

 Apparently, heartbreak is medically referred to as "Takotsubo cardiomyopathy", also known as  'broken heart syndrome' because it often occurs due to an emotional or physical shock. 

From The Science Blog: According to studies on heartbreak and how it affects people, most of whom women, (It almost always happens to women and patients are typically in a critical state during the first 48 hours), a connection can be found between emotional pain and a literal form of heartbreak- heart attack.  Depression is documented to affect its host physically and so is the case with heartbreak. 
"Our hypothesis is that massive amounts of these stress hormones (such as metanephrine and normetanephrine are released in excess with addition to proteins such as neuropeptide Y, brain natriuretic peptide, and serotonin) can go right to the heart and produce a stunning of the heart muscle that causes this temporary dysfunction resembling a heart attack," says cardiologist Ilan Wittstein, M.D., an assistant professor at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine and its Heart Institute. "It doesn't kill the heart muscle like a typical heart attack, but it renders it helpless."

 So folks, if you are going through a heartbreak whether from a broken relationship, loss of a loved one, or disappointment of any sort,  I sincerely empathize. *hugs and kisses*
 

Old Clover Is Dead!

                        Our pet rabbit, Clover, died today.*sobbing*
He had one of his hind legs broken by a moving vehicle-He had a bad habit of hiding under parked cars.
I didn't realize such a "small" injury could lead to death.....I'm guessing he died so quickly because of his age and size..
He didn't make it to the vet.....Injury happened around 8:30am and he was dead before 11am...*sad* ....Just when we were about to head to the clinic. I tried getting him to a vet immediately, but couldn't find any animal clinic in my vicinity that looked after rabbits, except one....and the one I found had a long waiting list...
Clover was such a good pet. He is the only pet I have felt attached to so far in my adult life...
This photo of him is the one I took and posted on our neighborhood page when he went missing a few weeks ago. He was later found in our next door neighbor's yard, munching on their flowers.
                        Adieu, Clover. You will be missed. 

The Science of Love.

It’s that time of the year again ♥♥. *wink* *wink*. 
Share love and not diseases, people!……. Love is a beautiful thing, as the saying goes.
I find it interesting, though, that science has an explanation for love. This article was found on the BBC science website, it explains how the neurotransmitters and hormones are responsible for “those feelings” and also liken the events occurring in the brain when we are in love to be similar to mental illness…Ah! *wide-eyed*.

While I don’t quite agree with this theory, I am looking forward to the hypothesis that would shed light into what happens when we “ fall out of love”…....hehehehe..... That would be interesting to know.

So, read and be enlightened.

The Science of Love

• There are three phases to falling in love and different hormones are involved at each stage.
• Events occurring in the brain when we are in love have similarities with mental illness.
• When we are attracted to somebody, it could be because subconsciously we like their genes.
• Smell could be as important as looks when it comes to the “ fanciability factor". We like the look and smell of people who are most like our parents.
• Science can help determine whether a relationship will last.

Three Stages of Falling in Love

Stage 1: Lust

Lust is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen. Testosterone is not confined only to men. It has also been shown to play a major role in the sex drive of women. These hormones as Helen Fisher says "get you out looking for anything".

Stage 2: Attraction

This is the truly love-struck phase. When people fall in love they can think of nothing else. They might even lose their appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their new lover.

In the attraction stage, a group of neurotransmitters called 'monoamines' play an important role:

• Dopamine - Also activated by cocaine and nicotine.
• Norepinephrine - Otherwise known as adrenalin. Starts us sweating and gets the heart racing.
• Serotonin - One of love's most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily insane.

Stage 3: Attachment

This is what takes over after the attraction stage, if a relationship is going to last. People couldn't possibly stay in the attraction stage forever, otherwise they'd never get any work done!

Attachment is a longer lasting commitment and is the bond that keeps couples together when they go on to have children. Important in this stage are two hormones released by the nervous system, which are thought to play a role in social attachments:

• Oxytocin - This is released by the hypothalamus gland during child birth and also helps the breast express milk. It helps cement the strong bond between mother and child. It is also released by both sexes during orgasm and it is thought that it promotes bonding when adults are intimate. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.
• Vasopressin - Another important chemical in the long-term commitment stage. It is an important controller of the kidney and its role in long-term relationships was discovered when scientists looked at the prairie vole

Something Else To Think About….

…...We hold back because we don’t want to get hurt again…..We tell half-truths because we don’t  want to feel vulnerable…We conceal our true feelings because we don’t want our ego to be bruised…

We do all theses things and more because we are insecure….

If only we know that it is not all about us….maybe then  we can trust a little bit more...

What Do You Want Out Of A Relationship?

This is sort of  a sequel to the post on marriage I wrote here about a week or so ago. The general vibe I get from different articles on relationship is this: The expectations of the male specie differs from that of the female specie.
There tend to be resentment,anger, frustration and sense of hopelessness when couples don’t understand each others wants and needs in a relationship.
Generally, men want :

• To be “ in charge”
• To be needed and at the same time want the woman to be self-sufficient/confident.
• A manipulation-free relationship.

Whereas,what women(regardless of age) want can be summed up to:

• Affection
• Appreciation
• Affirmation

I think men do want these things as well in a relationship but in different measure based on the age and stage in life.

Anyway,based on a random opinion poll I conducted among friends, some of the guys said they think because women are materialistic, women are in most relationships for monetary gain.I read a quote somewhere that says"When the wife is mute, she is cute and when the husband has money he’s honey”….Ouch!…Do you agree?

Another guy actually said he thinks giving a girl “too much” affection and appreciation is being a sissy.….I wonder what too much affection means…:(

The ladies I asked,however, think men are only after sex and a good meal….Hmmmmmm.

Regular COMMUNICATION is key. A relationship will sail or sink based on how open the people involved can communicate.

Marriage: Ball and Chain?….

My husband and I had a discussion the other day about “What people want out of a marriage relationship”(That is a post for another day) and that was when the question “ Who benefits the more from a marriage relationship-the man or the woman”? arose….

While popular culture always points out that the man “loses" his independence  and financial stability (which is why they shy away from marriage), I am of the opinion that it is man that benefits more  in a marriage relationship, because of the following reasons: 

1. Marriage tends to give the man a sense of commitment and social responsibility, not only to his nuclear family but also to people around him, which leads to both financial/career success and achievements.

2.Typically, it is the woman that gives up or defers her career aspirations.The society subtly believes 

that the woman bears the most responsibility when it comes to raising a family.

3. In marriage, women bear a disproportionate share of the burden of pregnancies, child- bearing and childcare particularly in the early stages of marriage. They are also expected to continue to look cute and always sexy.

4. The woman is the one to give up her maiden name to take up the husband’s last name.

5. Studies have shown that ‘happily” married men tend to have longer life span than single men.

6. Men gain a readily available sex partner, …..or so one might assume….:)

However, women do benefit from marriage in the following ways: (this is not an exhaustive list) 

1. Studies have shown that women are more financially secure in marriage.

2. In a “happy” marriage relationship offers a woman more emotional support, which may insulate her from depression and anxiety which are twice as common in females as in males.

3. A married woman does not have to deal with the hassles of dating and the pressure from the society of being labelled single.

4. Research shows that married women have both higher frequency and  better quality sex lives.. 

However, I don’t think marriage should be viewed as a “business” partnership or a job contract. I think it is the mind-set of the 2 people in the marriage that determines the outcome of a marriage relationship…..

So,Why Do Women Cheat?...

Sure,you all are familiar with the very popular  trending topic “Why men cheat?” and the different opinions like “Men are monogamous in nature and would cheat even though they are in a happy relationship ” ,“Men cheat because they are bored”, and so on and so forth..However, I wonder why the question asking “Why women cheat “ is not so popular.

I have read some articles about it and the reasons why women cheat are very similar to why men cheat,except that women are not polygamous in nature…Or are they?

In my opinion, I think women cheat because they seek:

1. Emotional Connection   2. Financial Support   3. Revenge (On a cheating hubby)         4. Adventure

Rutgers University biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, author ofWhy Him? Why Her?andWhy We Love, says men are more likely to cite sexual motivations for infidelity and are less likely to fall in love with an extramarital partner. Women, she says, tend to have an emotional connection with their lover and are more likely to have an affair because of loneliness.

"Women tend to be more unhappy with the relationship they are in," Fisher says, "while men can be a lot happier in their primary relationship and also cheat.  Women are more interested in supplementing their marriage or jumping ship than men are -- for men, it is a secondary strategy as opposed to an alternate.”

Dr Mike Murdock summed it all nicely in the photo below and it applies to both men and women…..

Why guys find physical relationships easier than emotional relationships..….

So, the other day a friend shared the photo above with me on Whatsapp and the following conversation ensued:

Me:… Unfortunately, that is the story of most girls, oftentimes they end up giving the guy both-waist and heart.
Him:….The selfish and foolish ones do…As for me,I return the hearts untouched, since I didn’t order from them in the first place.. I’m not a thief..
Me: ...Lol…How do you return them?please explain..
Him:Why take what I didn’t pay for or have need of..It will only lead to clutter and baggage…don’t give anything in return from your heart.Keep everything very physical and simple…
           Also, women have more estrogen running through their bodies...
Me:…..Meaning?!…
Him:Meaning, estrogen makes women give easily while testosterone makes men “take” without qualms…It is a war between these 2 hormones…

In my opinion,it is not as simple as blaming the “selfishness” of men and the “naivety” of women on just the hormones. Although, I tend to agree with the logic that women are more of  “givers” than 'takers".....I also believe that women, more often than not, “ give” because they expect to “receive” in return, without asking for it...